Chemical Imbalance

Sometimes you want to change-
change yourself, your life
but sometimes that change fails.

You want to change your cliche
darkness, black, deep, sinking, melancholy, hole
that you’ve come to call home.

A depression, a lifestyle
of medication, self-medicating, and therapy.
And then someone you don’t know comes along.

Introducing
Zoloft and Lithium and Xanax,
to level out the imbalance in your head.

Another office, another doctor asking,
“When did this begin?”
And, “How does that make you feel?”

And somehow it feels freeing
to tell a stranger about your distress.
And, after six weeks the meds are kicking in.

You’re on the deans list, and you finally can hold a job.
And now your loved ones can rest,
knowing you’ll be okay.

But- not for long.
There is always something that brings you back,
back to the depths of your sad hazel eyes.

That’s when you give up again.
The meds, the doctors, they’re not helping.
You realize there is no cure.

No cure for the sad at heart.
Just a cycle of trying to change,
and failing to change,

and it brings you right back to the start

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